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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Anyway, I finish my coffee and head to the office on ul. Poznańska. Traffic is a nightmare. Like, why is everyone suddenly a race car driver? I’m stuck behind this guy who’s going 20 in a 50 zone. I’m yelling at my windshield, “C’mon, man! We’re not in a funeral procession!”

Deputy Foreign Minister Szymon Szynkowski vel Sęk greets repatriates from Kazakhstan